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How to deal with complainers

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Constant complainers can drain your energy. They are always negative and point out only the negative things in life and it takes a lot of patience to deal with such people who ruin your entire day. Complainers can be dealt with effectively with some tact and patience. Here are some tips on how to deal with them.

Listen to the complaint

All complainers love good listeners. This is why you are always stuck with one who would want to go on and on and you will be the ever patient listener, listening and asking questions that would encourage him to elaborate every single detail about the complaint. While being a good listener is definitely a good habit and one that must be appreciated, you must set different rules with complainers who have a negative attitude. Listen to his/her complaints or pretend to listen if you are really busy. Complainers do not really care as to whether you offer solutions to their problems or actually listen. As long as they have someone who keeps nodding, even if it is in an absent minded manner with divided attention, they will go on talking and will be satisfied that they have found an output to park their feelings.

Empathize with the complainer

If you are not very busy and are in a mood to hear some harmless gossip, then here’s the chance to empathize with the complainer. However, do not ever attempt to do this if you are trying to shake him/her off. Empathizing makes the complainer feel good. Talk to him about how difficult it must be for him to be in such a difficult situation and that he is doing a great job coping with such a situation. Let him know that if you were in his position, you wouldn’t have made it. Empathizing will sometimes help them find a solution on their own. You may ask him/her if you can be of any help in this matter. To be on the safe side, ensure that you do not utter negative words about the person who he is complaining about. He can pass it on to others and it can create issues in work and personal relations. Just listen and empathize without bad mouthing the person involved.

Try to instil positive attitude

If you are dealing with a hardcore complainer, you can do your bit by making him understand the importance of positive attitude. You can teach him through subtle ways to look at the positive things in everyday life and not complain all the time. Do this only if you are good in gently making them understand their negativity. People sometimes attempt to teach others and put themselves in trouble by earning their wrath and ill will. Be diplomatic and try to bring to their notice as to what they are doing and how it is filling their lives with only negativity. Complainers can have a false notion that everything that they do is perfect and beyond wrong. If you can very subtly point out their own mistake and try to correct them, you have won half the battle.

Avoid spending too much time listening

Spending time listening to a person who is always uttering negative things and pointing out other people’s negative side can be trying for you. It is best not to encourage such people who are always unhappy with others and also with themselves in the end. Try and avoid being with them for too much time. You can set a time for listening and when he exceeds that time, you can tell him frankly that you have deadlines to meet and will talk later. He will get the message if you are constantly trying to avoid him this way and look for someone else who will help him nurse his pent up negativity. If he is still pestering you with his complaints, you can prepare yourself to be honest with him and be to the point.

Try to explain the negative attitude

When things get to a certain point that the complainer is taking too much of your time and space and is affecting your personal and professional relationship due to his frequent approach to you, be curt and let him know that his behavior is causing a lot of tension among others and it is important to stop looking at the negative side of things and be positive. You may suggest books and ways by which he can calm down and cultivate positivity by meditation, yoga etc. Do this in a polite and good natured way so that he is not hurt or feels let down.

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