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How to deal with a complainer


We often come across people who have a misanthropic attitude and they hate any complain about everything and anything. It is a difficult job dealing with this kind of crybabies and the most important step we need to take is understanding them. Let us see how we can deal with these kind of people.

Things that don’t work are things that should never be done!

Try cheering them, but trust me it won’t work. I came across many people who had been down that road and almost all of them failed. Of course if you want to try, sure go ahead and try.

Complainers hate suggestions! Suggestions to complainers will only piss them off. Try to avoid suggestions. Asking them to pull themselves together will never work too and in turn they yell at you for not understanding their problems!

Telling them that their problems are trivial will make them sad because they see problems as a part of their personality and solving problems means only one thing to these people, loosing identity.

Never complain about a complainer because it makes you another complainer and instead work on a solution to mend things.

Never ignore or avoid them for it may depress them. It also makes complainers thrive for attention even more, which usually makes people ignore them even more. That’s a vicious cycle right there. Complaining along with them will not work either. Confronting them doesn’t work and only worsens the situations . So, never try that as well!! These points should be remembered while trying to deal with them.

Understanding the mindset

Despite a lot of complaining, complainers don’t see themselves as negative people. But they are always in a self condemned mind set and frame themselves as losers. Hence they feel that the world they live in is a very bad place and they are just responding to the, aggravating or unfortunate circumstances of their lives.

Even though some chronic complainers realize what they are doing, they just feel that they are victims of ill fate and bad luck. They blame this world for their misfortunes.

Never tell them that the situations they are dealing with are not as bad as they perceive them; and never ever tell them that they are over reacting. This will only give them a chance to make you hear some more complaints, dissatisfactions and misfortunes you have not yet heard about and that might give you a better understanding of how terrible their lives actually are.

Understanding what these complainers want

Have you ever thought why these kind of people complain? The answer is simple. They want sympathy and emotional support. In other words, they want you to soothe them, tell them that they are indeed unfortunate and do deserve a better place than what they are in right now. To put the matter in the nutshell, they expect you to satiate their ego.

The quickest and simplest way to get out of this stupid monologues and whines of their sad lives is to give them what they want, sympathy!!! (which must sound genuine or it will not do the trick and then redirect them to the task at hand. For example, “Your car broke down again?

That’s seriously annoying! I know it’s hard to shrug off but I hope you can stand tall, we have a lot of work to do.

Understanding what they don’t want

Most of the complainers look at their lives as if they are fighting the Armageddon and everyday is a challenge. (Of course some people do face severe hardships. Let’s talk about people whose lives are not unusual in that regard). Their viewpoints of the problems they have are deeply imbibed in their personality and attitude. Therefore, even though they complain, they are just seeking sympathy not advice or solutions.

Even if you want to give the best suggestion that might actually help them to overcome the situation, they are not ready to take it. It is because they feel that the solving of the problem might lead to their identity crisis. So, when they hear a suggestion they will always find a way to tell you how it won’t work, or by actually becoming upset that the person offering it doesn’t understand how unsolvable their problem actually is.

In the majority of situations (there are some obvious exceptions), spare yourselves the trouble of giving suggestions and just give them what they want.

If these kind of people really face a problem, then offer them sympathy and then do give a brief advice. It will be accepted and appreciated.


People who complain excessively are miserable and they take their misery out on everyone.

Never say “Well that’s your problem, then!” It will get you into trouble.

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