Tips on how to deal with an irresponsible, abusive and selfish husband

Marriage is a mutual agreement between two individuals who decide to spend their lives together, while supporting and standing by each other’s requirements and decisions. It is not unusual for a person to have one or more negative shades like being irresponsible, selfish or even abusive. The trick lies in effective dealing putting in best possible efforts.

irresponsible husband

In several cases, it is found that the husband is contributing less to the relationship or being irresponsible towards it. In such situations, dealing with an irresponsible husband on day-to-day basis squashes the interest out of life. This type of attitude affects all the people connected to that particular relationship. Dealing with such kind of husband requires a lot of patience and intelligent tactics because you should understand that a person’s behavior cannot change overnight.

Before starting off with dealing with your irresponsible husband, you should step back, take your time and calmly think of the probable reasons that are responsible for your husband’s irresponsible behavior. Try to look at a bigger picture. You must know that every problem starts with the lack of communication between people. Even lack of mutual love and respect can also be cause towards his negligence. So you need to figure out whether your husband is actually negligent or is disorganized as many a times wife’s intermix these two situations and consider it to be more or less as imprudence. So it is always better if you can spend some quality time with him trying to understand each other and try out your several concerns.

In case even after several of these discussions and talk, you find that your husband is too relaxed or carefree about this situation you may also consider the fact that he may be suffering from adult ADD or ADHD. In such cases you should consult a general counselor or a trained psychiatrist to recommend some stable solution. Well remember don’t throw up this judgment of yours on him; instead try to be gentle and sensitive. Try to avoid a sort of an accusatory tone because it would make him even more defensive. Keep in mind you are not fighting to get rid of him, instead you are trying to solve out things in your relationship.

In cases where husbands tend to be irresponsible or disorganized women generally take charge of things in their hands. This makes it even worse for both of them. While woman works more, she gets frustrated and the husband starts taking her for granted, this leads to very unpleasant clashes between them. So it’s always better on the part of the wife to involve her husband in sharing some of the responsibilities and duties with her husband, which he is more likely to do without hesitation. Gradually, the wife can keep on increasing his duties on a regular basis thereby making him more conscientious.

How to deal with an abusive husband

How to deal with an abusive husband

An irresponsible husband or an abusive one, none can say which hurts more. Dealing with an abusive husband may not be easy every time. The fact is that most of the wives who are abused deny any kind of abuse due to fear or losing respect in the society. Given below are some measures to deal with an abusive husband.

Boost your self-confidence 

Most of the abused wives may not even like to talk about their abusive husbands. Wives who are abused are intimidated by their husbands and often seem to overlook their self worth. A husband may abuse his wife in different ways such as emotional, economic, physical, sexual or psychological. The result of such abuse is feeling or hurt, shame, anger and other negative emotions. A woman is more vulnerable to the abuse if the husband is the sole bread winner for the family. The abused wives tend to lose their self-confidence in the process. However, this is not going to help you in any manner. You need to boost your self-confidence and act accordingly. If he uses verbal abuses, you should not be provoked by his words. Understand his problem by thinking about his actions. He may be doing so because he is in a bad state (no job or income). Just because he is showing his frustrations on you, it does not mean that you are inferior to him. If you are the bread winner for the family, you need to be more assertive and strong. Empathize with him and make him understand that you are trying to help him overcome his problem. When you act in a confident manner, you will be easily able to overcome his abusive nature or change his ways.

Seek professional help

Seek professional help

Sometimes, nothing may be possible to tackle an abusive husband. Whatever efforts you take may be a waste of time. It will only affect you more and more. This can cause a lot of damage in you and lead to various health problems like depression, anxiety etc. If you have already begun to notice such symptoms as loss of sleep and hope, it is better to seek professional help. Visit a doctor and he may be able to give you medications to deal with these problems. If you do not have any of these symptoms, you must take utmost care not to damage your health.

Keep yourself busy

One of the best ways to deal with an abusive husband is to ignore him and keep yourself busy with other things such as your job, day-to-day activities and hobbies. Enjoy doing your work and try to keep yourself engrossed in it most of the time. Do all the day-to-day activities by involving yourself completely and not giving any thought to your abusive husband. If you have any special hobby like painting, reading or whatever, spend considerable time with it. This will help you to divert your mind and forget the pain. Do exercises and meditation. You will be able to take care of your body and mind in a better way.

Introspection

counseling-for-issues

The last resort to end an abusive relationship is to walk out of it. But you need to be bold and have the ability to take the right decision that can make you happy for the rest of your life. If you are unable to tolerate the ways of your husband and things are out of control, walk out of the relationship. This is the best way to discard the painful moments and live life as you wish. Then try to get some help through counseling. The counselor may help you with some useful advice on how to move forward and deal with life thereafter. There are a lot of support groups that can provide you with some useful advice on how to deal with such a situation. Talking to similar people may also be beneficial.

Sometimes, you may feel that you are responsible for the abusive state of mind of your husband. If this is so, try to look at your actions. Avoid doing things that provoke him. This does not mean that you are at fault. But you can take some simple efforts to avoid unpleasant situations all the time. In certain families, the wives also behave in some manner that makes the husband turn to abusive measures to control the situation. So, study your own actions and see to it that you do not commit any mistake that can lead to such awkward situations.

Counseling and walking out 

The last resort to end an abusive relationship is to walk out of it. But you need to be bold and have the ability to take the right decision that can make you happy for the rest of your life. If you are unable to tolerate the ways of your husband and things are out of control, walk out of the relationship. This is the best way to discard the painful moments and live life as you wish. Then try to get some help through counseling. The counselor may help you with some useful advice on how to move forward and deal with life thereafter. There are a lot of support groups that can provide you with some useful advice on how to deal with such a situation. Talking to similar people may also be beneficial.

How to deal with a selfish husband

How to deal with a selfish husband

Marriage is a bond of love and trust. But, selfishness can replace these essential elements and spread bitterness among people. And, when a wife has to live with a selfish husband, life becomes very challenging for her. Here, for you, we have discussed some important ways which will help you deal with your husband, and lead a happily married life.

Try to express yourself

It is really troublesome when a wife has to confront a selfish husband regularly. I know that you have tried quite hard to improve the situations, but unfortunately there has been no positive outcome. However, I would suggest that you should try out once more. Try to communicate and express your feelings to your husband. You must let him know that you are not at all okay with his attitude. And, remember that you must remain polite and calm, even in the most difficult situations. Never say: “You are really mean and selfish!” These kinds of expression will not help you. Rather, it will worsen your relationship. Tell him that you want to talk to him for few minutes, and that he should listen to you carefully without interrupting in between. You may say: “Dear, I know you love me, and so do I. But, I don’t know why at times I feel that you are not being that much caring and loving like you have always been. I want my sweet and understanding husband back in my life”. Your husband may react either positively or negatively after you say this. He might say that what you feel is not right, and therefore, you must stop thinking in this way. But, it is your sole responsibility to convey your feelings. Take this chance as the last chance and make the most of it.

Engage yourself in the activities loved by your husband

Engage yourself in the activities loved by your husband

Your husband may not be bothered about giving you time, and may be always engrossed in some other activities. So, then in order to stay with him, try sharing his workloads or simply try to participate in the works that he loves doing. You might not have any knowledge about all these, but try to know and learn. He might love making projects or models. However, you may not have any idea about that. But, don’t worry. Be there as his helping hand, maybe by giving him the scale, the cutter, the colors, the wooden frames or whatever he needs. If you want, then you may tell your husband the reasons behind why you have learned these and why are you helping him. This will help him know that how much you love him and how much concerned you are about spending time together.

Try to compromise

It has been frequently noted that when a relationship starts getting bitter because of self centered attitudes, egotism and selfishness, then spouses instead of sorting out the issues, tend to involve themselves in arguments. If you have also done that, then please do question yourself that how can you expect a solution out of it! If your husband is unwilling to cooperate then that doesn’t mean that you should do the same thing. At times at least try to compromise a bit. But, of course up to a limit. Do not end up quarreling because of little things. If your husband is not trying to understand that you are not ready to cook the recipe of his choice today, then all of a sudden don’t start saying “No, I can’t!” These spontaneous negative replies might upset him. So, try to give in a little effort to do what he says. If he wants to travel by foot, then don’t keep nagging to take you by car.

But, yes if he keeps ignoring whatever you say all the time, then you must let him know that it hurts you. After all, he must also learn to compromise.

Talk to his closed ones

Talk to his closed ones

Your husband might not be at all interested to know your problems or to compromise with you. So, then instead of complaining, discuss your problems with his parents or guardian or with someone who is close to your husband. He may understand your point when told by these people. However, be careful. He must not get angry when he sees that you have discussed the marital issues with a third person. You may make your husband and the arbitrator sit with you. Then, try to bring up the issues tactfully. Suppose the third person is the sister of your husband. You may ask his sister beforehand to say something like “Hey bro! Why don’t you take your sweet wife out for a movie?€ And, then you may reply that: “I don’t think your brother will be able to give me any time.In this way you can start the conversation, and then gradually tell him all that you feel about him and his attitude, with his sister helping you out in this.

Marital counseling

 

When nothing works, then you may opt for a good marriage counselor. If your husband accepts to meet the counselor, then it will resolve the issues easily. So try to convince him along with you. But, if he is not willing to go, then go unaccompanied. Get to know about the better solutions, and the better ways of dealing with your problems. Together with sorting out your difficulties, the counselor may also give suggestions that whether there is any need for you to change yourself or not. This may take some time, but will eventually prove to be genuinely effective. So, do not lose patience.

Dr Prem Jagyasi

Dr Prem is an award winning strategic leader, renowned author, publisher and highly acclaimed global speaker. Aside from publishing a bevy of life improvement guides, Dr Prem runs a network of 50 niche websites that attracts millions of readers across the globe. Thus far, Dr Prem has traveled to more than 40 countries, addressed numerous international conferences and offered his expert training and consultancy services to more than 150 international organizations. He also owns and leads a web services and technology business, supervised and managed by his eminent team. Dr Prem further takes great delight in travel photography.

Related Articles

Back to top button
Close