How many times have you seen someone holding a microphone to her face, recalling the tragedy, weeping and trying to respond to the questions of a reporter? Or how many times you have heard Christians say, ‘Lighten up!’ ‘Don’t be fussy or you shouldn’t make such a big deal out it!’ Whether you deny or accept, each one of you must have heard those remarks, or possibly even made them. Some of you still refrain from asking your friends about their problems because you have a problem reaching out, while others avoid telling their problems because insensitive remarks from Christians make the situation more stressful.
It is somewhat true that Church isn’t a safe place for sad people or those who believe that they are facing extreme challenges. This is not because the Church doesn’t accept them, but it is more or less the insensitivity of Christians that prompts the sufferer to retreat.
But the fact is that you cannot shun every Christian for his/her insensitive or poorly timed comment. In fact, the truth is that most of these comments are from well meaning friends, who don’t mean to cause harm, who aren’t really insensitive, but have problems in showing their legitimate concerns or don’t know what to say.
Therefore, responding and dealing with insensitivity from Christians needs acceptance of the fact that mostly it is their ignorance of other’s feelings and sufferings which makes them pass insensitive comments, like, ‘You seem good! Why do you have to struggle then? Dealing with them requires understanding of the fact that they themselves might be self absorbed, making them complacent to others’ needs, hurts and victimization.
At the same time, while responding or dealing with insensitivity from Christians, one has to look at things from others’ perspective. Maybe these insensitive people are sufferers themselves or may they haven’t been through such a challenge and therefore have no frame of reference to empathize with the pressures that you are facing.
If you think that the insensitive Christian is ignorant but well meaning, then it would be better if you tell the person in a nice way that their comments are hurtful. Or rather, you can ignore their comments or touching the sensitive topic when they are present. The easier way to do this is to say ‘thank you!’ instead of ‘how dare you!’
Remember, the way you deal with insensitive remarks from Christians or respond to them also narrates a story. So, it is up to you to decide whether you push everyone who doesn’t say the perfect thing at the right time or you want to lovingly thank those people for being courteous enough to respond.
All the while, we need to understand that no one, not even a Christ believer can love us in perfect ways. Once we understand that, we realize that dealing with insensitive Christians is not a horrendous task. So, rather than expecting sensitivity, expect graciousness from Christ, trust him to be sensitive to your challenges.
