Here is a quote – I have never seen a greater monster or miracle than myself.
—Michel de Montaigne
We do gross injustice to our soul by feeding it with different sorts of feelings, emotions, and ideas, especially when we know so little about how subjective all these are, and how much they differ from one person to another. Self-love can be either spirit-based self-love or the egocentric one. The spirit-based self-love makes you the person that you always wanted to be – a gentle, caring, intelligent and balanced personality. This type of self-love does no harm to one’s inner person; instead, it makes a person more refined in their behavior.
On the other hand, when self-love starts feeding your ego or it becomes egocentric, you see it manifesting in self-destructive behaviors that do no good to your inner soul or to others around you who care about you. Then again, most humans tend to link egocentric self-love to self-esteem, which is definitely an incorrect assumption. Ego, actually, is the opposite of self-esteem. Self-esteem is your self-worth, which eventually provides you a clear picture of your value to others and yourself.
The ego is all about a false created self, which pays no heed to the analytical mind. Rather than listening to the soul’s voice to check it, the ego attends to the unjustifiable claims and the fake assertions of the ‘I’ in a person. The ego, basically, is concerned with all ‘I’ wants and needs. It further leads people into believing that they are better than others.
Lord Buddha always asked humans to shun the ‘I’ in them. He would travel alone just to get perfect peace for his meditation. Once, when he was passing through a jungle, a man stopped him to ask something. When talking to the Buddha, he said, ‘I want happiness.’ The Buddha smiled and replied, ‘First, remove ‘I’; that’s your ego. Then remove ‘want’; that’s your desire. And now what you’re left with is happiness. True happiness is possible only when you are ready to sacrifice your ego and your desires for a higher purpose. Ego makes self-realization, and hence happiness, difficult to achieve. Desires feed your ego since it is YOU that wants.’
Now, when you understand the difference between self-love, self-esteem and ego, it becomes easier for you to choose the one that helps you reach new heights. The ego, after all, is our constant call for attention; if we don’t get it, we lash out in unusual ways to express our anger, discontent, and uneasiness for no reason. We can liken the ego to our inner child, which smiles when we are around those who accept our individuality and scorns those who cannot stand our conceited behavior anymore.
The ego relies on the familiar
At times, we close our eyes to everything that does not support or endorse the idea of our egocentric self-love. We even question the very essence of life, deciding not to reach out for the unknown, as we believe that the familiar is all we have and need to defend our ignorance.
However, the moment we start appreciating, respecting and empathizing with others, our ego gets the required impetus to experience a paradigm shift. The moment we ready our analytical mind and thinking capabilities to experience the unknown, we realize we need to learn more about life. And that is the sort of revelation that inspires individuals to think of self-esteem and self-love, instead of making one narcissistic in one’s approach.
Ego grows unnoticed till it reaches alarming proportions
No one becomes egotistic by choice; instead, it’s a gradual process that keeps adding egocentric impressions to one’s moral fibre. Accordingly, when one tries to correct things, it’s already too late since the process now becomes a habit with that person. It affects decisions about life and consequently, the lives of those who call for but never get the desired attention. This process kills one’s true self and prevents them from empathizing with others, no matter how hard they try. We definitely need to listen to the voice of our soul that keeps reminding us of the path we should take to stay away from temptations of forgetting our real self.
Ego affects creativity and the zeal to learn
It’s almost next to impossible at times to make egocentric individuals understand the need for improvement. Since they never see any need for it, they think whatever they have is more than sufficient – be it knowledge, skills, ideas, creativity or the zeal to learn. In order to protect their false ego, they do their level best to stay away from feedback; therefore, any chances of further improvement go out the window. Such folks need to understand that more knowledge about their real self could help them get a much-needed reality check.
How to deal with an unduly inflated ego
The ego dies a slow death the moment we start taking life as it comes. Furthermore, when you start choosing love over hatred, stop complaining about trivialities, and begin appreciating life as it is, your ego makes way for self-respect and compassion for all living beings.
