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How to deal with a narcissistic mother in law

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A bragging, goading, nagging, intruding, competing, defeating narcissistic mother-in-law that keeps pushing you to the law and never misses a chance to irate you is the biggest threat that can rock your married paradise. The narcissistic mother-in-law is tough to deal with and she is one person who is quite capable of turning your pre-nuptial fantasies into a horror story. Read on and do not despair because there are a few ways in which you can deal with a narcissistic mom-in-law!

You must understand that a bit of tension is quite normal

When two people get married, they eventually come down to realize how differently they have been brought up. The difference can also come across as a shock in some respects, however, over time we come to accept one another with compromises to reduce the friction in the relationship. Similarly, getting married to your man also means indirectly accepting his mother as your own mother by law. Just like the initial hiccups you’ve had with your husband in trying to know more about his preferences and lifestyle, you have to go through a similar testing phase with your mom-in-law. A little bit of tension will definitely ensue because of various difference in backgrounds and beliefs, which should not be a cause of worry. Different people see things differently, so what is right in your opinion might not be the same with your mother-in-law. You might feel angry at times, when your mom-in-law goes on condescending you. You would feel like snapping back at her when she keeps maligning you and undermining your ways. But try to let it go, because anger and harsh words might only worsen the situation. Accommodation and compromises on your behalf, would perhaps melt your narcissistic mom-in-law to accept you as you are, leading to a long-lasting and a steadfast relationship.

 

 

Ensure that you have a solid bond with your hubby

You might have discovered that your boyfriend-now-spouse whose entire world revolved around you, is actually a mama’s boy. A lot of these revelations do come after marriages, when hubbies tend to idolize their mothers to the extent that their wives automatically get places in the second rank of preference. Try to gain the allegiance of your husband, because there could be nothing worse than having your husband choose his mother over you. Likewise, it becomes tough for a husband when he is put in the middle of a spat that his wife is having with his mom. He gets sandwiched and in order to make a decision he ends up displeasing one of the ladies. Try to avoid dragging your husband in the middle of little fights that you’re having with his mother and be sensible enough to sort them out yourself. In case your mother-in-law goes overboard with her display of arrogance against you, then do communicate this to your husband. Refrain from talking negatively about his mother most of the time, as he might just not like it. Try winning your husband’s confidence and put your foot down and tell your hubby if his relationship with his mother is impacting your married life.

Try not to prove your mom-in-law wrong all the time

In order to deal with a narcissistic mom-in-law, try to first put yourself in her place in order to understand her. She has been through a lot of emotions and has a lot of expectations vested in her son, whom she has raised with love. She has been there with him and given him birth. She was the one who there for most of his “firsts” and has till now been the only woman in his wife until you came along! From a mother-in-law’s point of view, you are the one who has snatched away her right and claim in her son’s life. This kind of emotional feeling might make her appear tough and bossy. She might want to dominate you and keep telling you that she knows best what her son likes. Try to accept her criticism in a constructive and positive manner, even though she intends to put you off. Try to be positive, and shrug away any bitterness. However, it is also not mandatory that you keep taking her criticism each time. Be open in your communication and tell her that she’s wrong in her criticism, albeit in a friendly manner.

 

Establish healthy boundaries with your mother-in-law.

You must always try to delineate boundaries in your relationship with your hubby’s mother, else she would never realize what things are appropriate and what are not. You must get together with your husband to decide what kind of role your mother-in-law should play in your married life. In order to bring about changes or forging boundaries, you must keep the communication with your mom-in-law open and kind. She may get put off at time, but don’t let that set you back. Communicate your viewpoint in a healthy and straightforward manner, so as to lessen the strain in the relationship. Establishing or delineating boundaries from the start of your relationship can work very well in diminishing the bitterness that can come later on. Good boundaries with your mother-in-law can be formed when both sides mutually respect and consider one another.

Try bonding with your mother-in-law over whatever you have in common

It might appear at the onset that you and your mother-in-law have absolutely nothing in common. She might be a great homemaker, while you might be the career-oriented business woman in the corporate world. Be inquisitive and keep asking to see whether there is something that you both might share in common. Get her to show you her old family albums with her stories from the past. Try to gather what you can from what she tells you and you might end up learning about something that both she and you like to do. You could surprise her by gifting her something that she likes or wants. You could try fixing a common appointment at the spa with her, and have a girl’s day out. If you have kids, then you might want a family bonding session with a trip to the zoo or the museum. Try to figure out how you could bond with your mother-in-law by rubbing her the right way!

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Dr Prem Jagyasi

Dr Prem Jagyasi

Author, Publisher & Global Speaker at DrPrem.com
Dr Prem is an award winning strategic leader, renowned author, publisher and highly acclaimed global speaker. Aside from publishing a bevy of life improvement guides, Dr Prem runs a network of 50 niche websites that attracts millions of readers across the globe. Thus far, Dr Prem has traveled to more than 40 countries, addressed numerous international conferences and offered his expert training and consultancy services to more than 150 international organizations. He also owns and leads a web services and technology business, supervised and managed by his eminent team. Dr Prem further takes great delight in travel photography.
Dr Prem Jagyasi
Dr Prem Jagyasi

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3 comments

  1. All in all, not very helpful! The article would be a depressing guide if one truly has a narcississtic mother in law. A narcississt cannot be reasoned with due to their very complex filtering system, learnt from a very early age. They will struggle to listen to anyones views and CANNOT empathise with anyone, not even with their own children. I’m not saying you shouldn’t try to maintain peace and harmony…….but this could be very difficult and harmful to your own mental health. There could also be deep rooted issues within your spouse if he has been ‘parented’ by a narcississt.

  2. All these sugeestions works with a normal person. I have been doing what is listed here most of the times with my NMIL but believe me she does not think a milisecond to hurt my feelings or create conflicts.

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