If you know a person who us undervaluing the value of someone just because she happens to be a female, then you are certainly dealing with a misogynist. You do not have to be necessarily a man to be a misogynist, you could very well be a woman. In fact, misogyny is much more harmful when it springs for women, as they get away with it much more easily. The worst thing is, you can’t even get away from them, they are literally everywhere. They are at school, at your workplace and sometimes even in your own home. All you can do is know how they behave and protect yourself. Here are some tips and tricks to deal with a misogynist and his twisted mind.
1. Know a misogynist
Knowing a problem is the first step in dealing it. You may have seen several men who may seem to despise women, but are these men really misogynists? Well, to answer that you will have to recognize the behavior and acts of such men. Misogynist are the men who bear strong hatred, dislike towards women. Now, this hatred can be manifested in several ways including contempt, chauvinism, sexism, physical abuse and even rape. Such men believe in dominating women, try to blame women for any and everything, punish women who displease them, have no remorse of guilt for doing any harm to women, want undivided attention, have grandiose and self centered behavior, may not enter into commitment, lie all the time and are preoccupied with sex.
Misogynists are generally easy to recognize because their behavior towards women may be extremely disturbing or annoying. They are full of contempt and envy women who win over them or belittle a female’s accomplishments. But at times they may be nice to you in public, while they will cut you out in private. So, if someone around you or someone closer to you is a misogynist then you might feel irritated and intimidated. Once, you know whether a person is a misogynist or not, you can try different ways to deal with them.
2. Communicate
Communicating your thoughts is the best way to deal with a misogynist. For instance, if you think that a misogynist constantly belittles you at office or work, then you must talk to him about it. Generally, misogynist men don’t even do that they practice misogyny, but you can tell them that their behavior annoys you. Make sure that you don’t say it harshly. Use light words and measure your sentences so that you don’t invite any useless arguments. Be sweet and polite. This will help you bring your point across. If you feel that your discussion is going to turn into an argument, then you must leave the topic immediately and either talk about something else or make an excuse and leave. Although, this will make a misogynist feel that he has won, but there is no point of sitting and arguing with him. The same goes for any boyfriend or husband who is a misogynist.
3. Dealing with a misogynist gay men
Some of the gay men are harsh critics of women. They seem to treat women with disrespect and don’t mind hurling abuses to them even if they don’t know them. In such cases, you must try to talk to such misogynist gay men. There are high chances that these men are misogynist because they have mistrust for women. In such conditions, you must ensure that you try and develop a warm, trusting bond with that man.
Gay men can be sensitive and therefore, you should measure your words and also remind them that you are not going to break their trust and would always be friends with him no matter what the situation is. Sometimes, gay men tend to be misogynist because they subconsciously feel that women are going to judge them because of their sexuality. This makes them defensive and critical. So, don’t judge them, be warm and accept their choices.
4. Dealing with charming misogynist boyfriend/husband
There was a time when your husband charming personality drew you towards him. But now you have realized that this charming man is a misogynist. He is overly possessive, obsessed and tries to dominate you all the time. If you are woman who has a misogynist husband or boyfriend, then you must buckle yourself up. You have chosen the tough ride. But you can deal with him by making things simple and clear. You must tell your man that his domination irks you. At times this may seem difficult. But you will have to show your strong side, otherwise you will succumb to his pressure. Also, if your husband is an abusive misogynist, then you must consider leaving him and severing all the ties. Although, he might try to win you back once you have left him, make sure that you only go back when you are sure that he won’t repeat his abusive acts. To ensure this, you must ask your husband/boyfriend to go for counselling. You too must opt for counseling to deal with a misogynist husband.
5. Know the reason and chose for intervention
The root of misogyny is difficult to find. But you will have to know the reason behind a man’s misogyny if you want to effectively deal with it. Generally, men are misogynists because either they are raised in patriarchal society or because they grew up in dysfunctional families. Most of the misogynists had poor relationship with their mothers or had been through really bad relationships. This makes them overly critical of all the women. Sometimes, men feel that a woman’s place is in home.
Therefore, a woman who tries to work or educate herself and aims at breaking societal convention is looked down upon. So, you must notice the reason behind a man’s misogyny and intervene in the situation. By intervention we mean that you must either prompt him to get psychological help or you must ask his friends to help him deal with the situation depending upon the adversity of his acts. No matter what happens, never compromise with the outrageous demands or comments of a misogynist just because you want to preserve the relationship. Acting passively towards a misogynist will only worsen the situation.
4- Tips for Handling Chauvinists
1. Ignoring them and their Comments:
Some men may interrupt you while speaking as if to show that what you have to say is insignificant, if the person does this frequently, stop them from interrupting them by asking them if you can complete you point in a very polite tone. This is an especially helpful technique in a professional setting, if you are working in a team and your male colleagues asked you to bring them coffee or order lunch as they think it is “lady like”, point out that each team member should take up the responsibility.
2. Prove your superiority through your work:
Chauvinistic men are usually scared or intimidated by women who are smarter than them, so diligently focusing on your work can sometimes put these men in their places. This shows that you are a better worker and obviously more professional than they are. At best, they will sulk in a corner and begin nursing their wounded egos. Give them a taste of their own medicine by taking every opportunity to improve your professional superiority.
3. Stay confident no matter what:
These men will resort to tactics that are designed to destroy you -a sort of psychological warfare, if you may. They want see your confidence getting lowered, the best way to deal with this is to remain confident. Such men are also not to be trusted and should be kept at a safe distance; interact with hem only on a professional basis. They may try and befriend you with the intention of hurting you or your reputation. Do not give them an opportunity to learn about your weakness and use it against you.
4. Don’t tolerate sexist behavior:
Approach the person who has made derogatory remarks about you and explain that you will not tolerate their comments and the consequences that you will have to face. If things take a turn for the worst, inform human resources about your problems and the person whose behavior is interrupting your work. This is considered as harassment in the workplace and is grounds for termination.
