Home | Motivation Guide | Know where to draw the line and be your real self, stop pleasing other every time.

Know where to draw the line and be your real self, stop pleasing other every time.

As they say “The man who trims himself to suit everybody will soon whittle himself away”. It could be considered being socially polite and nice when a person goes an extra mile at times to please other people. If it is happening too often and   every time then it is a cause for concern.


Going out of the way to please everybody all the time does at the end of the day affect the personality of the person doing it.  Though it makes a good impression on the other person but when the priority is to please others all the time the person doing it is no longer his/her real self. If you have the below mentioned warning signs then you surely are the people pleaser :

  1. Being Submissive in   relationships and letting the other person take control of the relationship while you be a weakling.
  2. When you  avoid speaking your mind.
  3.  Finding it difficult to say no.
  4. Difficulty expressing your desires and opinions for the fear of contradiction.



Everybody has different expectations from you , trying to accommodate everyone all the time is not only not feasible but can also be quite crazy. It leads to undue stress to the person doing it.

Personality is defined by what other people perceive of you as an individual while individuality is your real self, what remains when the personality is taken away is the individual .

Pleasing all the time kills individualism and the person is bound to whittle himself away.

You may think that if you please everybody you are compassionate and have their best interests at heart. While in reality you could be spoiling these people by giving them what is actually not good for them.

Always being the pleased one   tends to lose autonomy and get controlled. There could be a mixed feeling of pleasing and being resentful at the same time. After a while the resentful bag of emotions could weigh heavily and you could explode leaving the other person very confused.



There are a number of reasons as to why people get into it:

  • It could be upbringing from your parents, your culture, the society , or peers or due to a poor financial condition
  • Low self esteem carried on from early childhood. You feel you are not worthy enough to get what you want.
  • People pleasing stems from the belief that other people’s happiness is more important than one’s own, this notion is deeply grounded in inferiority complex.
  • People pleasers are actually attention seekers who need other peoples approval all the time and are low on self confidence
  • You may have been conditioned to please to get love and attention in return.
  • You could be saving yourself from a verbal attack from the other person. So you please .
  • There are people who go out of their way because they cant say no.
  • Then there are those who please other people in the hope of getting the same treatment back.




It is very important  to prioritize in terms of whose expectations to fulfill and not go beyond a certain limit. One would do well by pleasing immediate family and at the same time must not leave one feeling unduly stressed and overwhelmed. Then come the bosses , the peers, and relatives in your   of preference depending on what is more important  to you. Is it your friends? Your family? Your career? You decide.

Altering you personality to suit others will make you lose your individuality. You may appear more appealing on the exterior in terms of personality. Persona is something that can be imitated while individuality   remains   intact and cannot be copied. Personality is ruled by outer forces and is fearful of criticism and can be selfish. A personality can be intimidated while an individual is fearless. An individual is capable of appreciating and at the same time is appreciated by others.  The key is to be an individual, who respects himself or herself as much as others.

One has to learn to say no with conviction and not get carried away with the strong undercurrent of other people ideas and behavior.

It would be a good idea to analyse if people are taking undue advantage of you. If yes, stop right there!

Be assertive and put across your point of view amicably without offending the other person.

This attitude of self neglect indicates that to make others happy you should first look after your own needs. Only then are you truly capable of looking after someone else.

If you have high self-esteem then what others think of you wont be as important. It is important to respect oneself in order to earn someone else’s respect.



People pleasing now and then with a motive is OK . If you are doing It all the time just to fit in then you are a chronic people pleaser  and you are letting go of more valuable principles in life.

People pleasers are too busy pleasing people and take their close loved ones for   granted . In the process the people pleaser is whittling away because he is no longer a genuine warm person, his real self

You may decide to wear a certain dress, or get a certain hairstyle to please someone else but there will always be someone else who doesn’t like it. So, remember everybody will not have the same point of view or opinion.

It is possible to cooperate with people and doing things their way and still retain your individuality. There is a fine line between people pleasing and cooperation. The crux of the matter is to know where to draw the line and be your real self.

Believe it or not! You will be appreciated and value for the real , genuine person who stands out and gets the respect and love he or she so much deserves.





Dr Prem Jagyasi

Dr Prem Jagyasi

Author, Publisher & Global Speaker at DrPrem.com
Dr Prem is an award winning strategic leader, renowned author, publisher and highly acclaimed global speaker. Aside from publishing a bevy of life improvement guides, Dr Prem runs a network of 50 niche websites that attracts millions of readers across the globe. Thus far, Dr Prem has traveled to more than 40 countries, addressed numerous international conferences and offered his expert training and consultancy services to more than 150 international organizations. He also owns and leads a web services and technology business, supervised and managed by his eminent team. Dr Prem further takes great delight in travel photography.
Dr Prem Jagyasi
Dr Prem Jagyasi

Similar Articles from Dr Prem Web Network

  • http://www.DrPrem.com Dr Prem | DrPrem.com


  • http://langschlitztoaster.net/weitere-details-uber-den-severin-at-2515-langschlitztoaster/ testsieger toaster

    Howdy very nice web site!! Guy .. Beautiful .. Amazing .. I will bookmark your website and take the feeds also?I am happy to search out numerous helpful info right here within the put up, we’d like develop extra techniques on this regard, thank you for sharing. . . . . .

  • http://www.hardcoretotal.de sexcam

    Just wish to say your article is as astonishing. The clarity in your post is simply excellent and that i could suppose you are an expert on this subject. Well along with your permission let me to take hold of your feed to keep updated with imminent post. Thanks a million and please continue the rewarding work.

  • http://www.sympathymessages.com/ sympathy messages

    the pictures are wonderful

  • http://www.DrPrem.com Dr Prem Jagyasi

    Using Disqus at HowtoDealwith.com

  • Shaudi

    true thx this helped

  • Dheekopudi

    amazing helps a lot awesome peeps!

  • Shaudi

    Would be awesome! I’m A MAJOR FAN!

    • Simon

      Yeah… Arguing 24/7…luckily it isn’t 24/7 exactly since Brits and her sisters are with Miss Miller, it’s a miracle we all get through the night with Alvin and Brits arguing through night, texting like mad! I can’t sleep with that honking big light over me since Alvin says texting at night without adequate light is bad for his eyes…. YEA RIGHT! Lack of SLEEP is bad for your daily function as well! Ellie and Theo are done preparing the MEAL as they call it. Can’t wait to try it… XD

  • CowlSillDib


  • http://www.adduggsireland.com/ CowlSillDib

    cool,googd idea.

  • http://www.emailsvip.com.br lista de emails

    that was a lovely article. i liked reading it. thanks for sharing.

  • VenkatChari

    A good article. The loss of loved ones is a great blow. It takes much time for some people to come out of it. But you should express your grief by some reactions to over come it more easily. When express your grief, your heart will feel some lightness and will not affect your health conditions deep. If you do not express your grief, then it will remain stuck in your heart and make you sick both mentally and physically. People close and near to the grief stricken should also try to console them so that they out cry and feel themselves light with the feeling and satisfaction that there are others who care for him/her in bad times. This gives the grieved person security and confidence and slowly helps to recover himself/herselp.

  • VenkatChari

    A good article on how to deal with inferiority complex. Inferiority arises when you compare with others. Added to that, the lack of self confidence and stage fear make it more difficult to deal with. This problem of inferiority arises when you constantly fail in your assignments, whenever your parents and friends make discouraging comments like ” you are not fit for anything” or “your friends and class mates are more better than you”, etc. and many more reasons. So, first thing you should do is to stop comparing yourself with others. Then, you develop some boldness. Let others say what they say. ignore their comments. Try to understand the weaknesses in you and their reasons. Slowly develop over coming those weaknesses one by one. One more thing is you should not get bewildered at failures. You must see some positive aspects in your failures. Every failure is a step to your success. So go on making effort again and again.

  • VenkatChari

    A very good post. Very useful tips to over come inferiority complex. Basically this complex arises out of stage fear and lack of confidence. This may be due to recurring failures. When a person fails in some attempt, he gets discouraged. When discouraged, he lacks inspiration to make another attempt because of the fear of failing again. He is afraid of the others surrounding him who may comment with disrespect for him. In such circumstances, he needs people who can boost his spirit. He needs the support of encouraging words building some confidence in him. Parents, siblings and friends can give support in such circumstances as they are closely related to him. But, more often, the problem is that they may not be having any hint of his problem as the victim keeps himself aloof from them and don’t let them know his problem. Even in such circumstances, they should come to know that he is having some problem due to which he is keeping aloof from them. So, that way, they can be able to know about his having problem and try to make him more inter-active with them by giving company to him and try to solve his problem.

  • VenkatChari

    A very good article

  • VenkatChari

    A very good and healthy article. “Let Go” and “Let it Be”. Very well said. We must learn to let it go. Only then, one could be happy. If you cling on to it, it will keep on torturing you. One day will come when you end broke-out. So, better let it go and enjoy your present life peacefully. What happens, let it happen and don’t fight if it does not happen your way. You simply keep up your work neat and clean which is in your hands. Enjoy the life smiling away.

  • VenkatChari

    A good article giving useful tips for success in life.

  • Diablo 3

    really such a useful information and i liked this site there is huge information…..like to come again

  • Rick

    Thanks dawg

  • http://www.facebook.com/ogunlade.kole Ogunlade Kole

    I am greatly blessed. The important of setting goals and acheiving them in full light. Thank you Doctor.

  • http://www.facebook.com/ogunlade.kole Ogunlade Kole

    Wow! The difference between love and attachment made distinct.

  • http://www.frontendlab.net/ cssgeek

    hmmm liked the post

  • Chris

    I Lost my Hair due to Dandruff, once upon a time i am the Hair Beauty queen of college, but now i lost my hair beauty. I tryied a lot products which in Dealing with Dandruff Hair. but no result. i mailed many companies but nothing happen. now i searching lot of results in google but doing the suggestion given by the reader, Visitor pls give suggestion to my problem

  • David

    Excellent article, really put the focus on the fact that those who are insensitive are Christian. This advice is sure to stop any abuse perpetrated by followers of Christ in particular.

  • Mr Parker

    Am glad today because am now a successful man of Illuminati,i have taught of been one of the Illuminati member so that i will be wealthy, popular, and famous in life and my family will be forever rich. I get a linked up by my primary school friend who is well known. He introduce me to a man who have a successful influence with this occult Illuminati. He really did all for me, and now am so glad of becoming a Illuminati member, I am now rich and wealthy. Illuminati is a great and powerful means to get popular in life. So if you really want to be like me today contact email: Worldofriches@gmail.com

  • Omg

    I have a crazy neighbor he so stupid by putting a electric wire
    On his fence so someone could touch it and hurt not knowing
    Or illegal to do that he could get a fine if someone get hurt
    I don’t do nothing to this guy i a black woman and he white male
    I think he prejudice about blacks well that to bad we are not going
    Anywhere deal with Ass hole

  • http://www.tomsoutletfactory.com/ toms outlet store

    You write very well!

  • http://www.howtogetasixpackin3minutesnow.com Nancy Shirts

    I just want to tell you that I’m all new to blogs and absolutely enjoyed your web-site. Likely I’m likely to bookmark your site . You actually have outstanding articles and reviews. Thanks a lot for sharing your blog.



  • http://www.dermology.us/ Terrie Dawson

    Oily skin is the reason of excessive sebum production by skin and also by hormonal imbalance. This may cause acne and other skin problems. I found many useful tips for oily skin which is really effective thanks to share these wonderful ideas for oily skin.

  • chaz01

    Excellent Article. It really puts the focus on the fact that it is the Ghosts who scare us. Thank you, Dr Prem.

  • http://www.DrPrem.com/ Dr Prem Jagyasi

    Quality Site.

  • LUCY

    I heard so many things about DR Lawrence and every story has been so great. so here is my story, me and the father of my son has been off and on for 3 years its been a very stressful relationship. he cheated on me and I was very hurt, it was miserable for me so in returned I cheated because I wanted him to feel the pain but he never cares so we went apart, so he went back to his ex.i wanted him to leave her and let us come back together.

  • patriciafrazer

    I had sinusitis forever and kept just relieving symptoms with OTC meds.
    Finally saw my doctor who prescribed Amoxcillin for sinus infection and No More
    Sinusitis!!! ;)~

  • http://virtualclinic365.blogspot.com/2014/02/10-beauty-tips.html Ahad Ammar

    I will suggest you, you could try using cold milk mix with almond oil…gently dab it around your face to reduce facial redness…or a cold tea bag would also be nice, the “tanin” would act as natural astringent and moisturizer for the skin… Drink lots of water and stay away from the sun.

  • http://virtualclinic365.blogspot.com/2014/02/10-beauty-tips.html Ahad Ammar

    Aloe vera is a miracle plant. Massage you face with aloe vera gel for 2-3 minutes and leave it for 15 minutes, than rinse off. It will make your skin glowing and you easily get rid of facial redness from your face.

  • Kongming Hy

    So very true…..Laughter is the BEST MEDICINE :D

Life Improving Guide