During the course of our lives, we all remain dependent on someone or the other. It may be for food, it may be for shelter or even for financial support. But there comes a time in every person’s life when he/she has to stop depending on others and start living life on his/her own terms. However, some people refuse to let go and this is what is known as overdependency. In other words, dependency is to hold on frantically to other people, places or things to offer your life meaning and direction. It involves permitting others to do so much for you that you don’t develop a sense of personal autonomy, freedom and personal liability for your own actions. A codependent relationship, on the other hand, makes you feel like you can’t live without the other person due to your constant need to seek this person’s approval. Codependency is often a way to cope with emotionally scarring episodes from one’s past.
Dependency is quite a widespread problem nowadays. A lot of people can’t even do the simplest things for themselves anymore – they can’t cook, can’t paint a room, sew, clean their house etc. The main trend to notice here is that it’s not always a question of “don’t want to” but rather “don’t know how”. Gradually, people have become dependent on others to get their work done in lieu of payment. It’s either this or simply buying another item to replace the old or broken product.
Earlier, most people, irrespective of gender, had a fair idea about how to do many things. They needed to in order to survive. Today, only a handful of people are masterful enough to deal with most of the routine repairs and maintenance work. The main problem with dependency is that it slowly eats away your finances. It’s not necessary to be skilled at everything, just a couple of skills that you would need on an everyday basis would work fine.
Get Rid of Dependency
- Start reading. The best part is you don’t need to buy all the books too. You can get a book on almost every conceivable subject – from cooking to crafts to repairing – in your local library. Borrow what you need for a couple of days. This not only serves your purpose, but saves you a lot of money in the long run.
- You can also increase your skills, and in the process decrease your dependency, by joining a class. Community colleges and trade schools offer pocket-friendly classes to the general public on topics like computers, first aid, auto-repairing.
- Don’t hesitate to ask for help when you need it. Your neighbour might know something about how to fix that leaky tap or your co-worker might recommend you some medicine you need to take for that headache that’s been constantly bothering you.
- Don’t be afraid to get your hands dirty. Go hands-on. You’re bound to mess up the first few times. Don’t give up hope. Your perseverance will be rewarded.
- Always try and strive to be better. Once you’ve got the basics down, try out advanced parts. The more skills you have, the closer you are to becoming wholly independent.
How to Cope with Codependency
Contrary to what you might think, codependence is not related in any way to the state of a person’s mental health. The first step to combat codependence is to understand what it is. The key to solving any problem is extensive knowledge. Then comes the process of self-examination which is best carried out by maintaining a journal mapping your weekly behaviour. Being aware of yourself prepares you for emerging from codependency.
